Saturday, 31 October 2009

Paul's Birthday

We had Paul for a few hours yesterday, Kathy, Claire, Keith and I. It was his sixth birthday the other week but he had been away on holiday so we had a bag of presents for him. One of them was a soldier, one of those jointed dolls, about twelve inches high, very like the Action Man that Hugh used to play with at Paul's age. This one was to scale and came with all sort of  equipment.
 But the important thing was that it was from Hugh.
Hugh had bought it months ago and it had been in among all his stuff that he had stored at Kathy's house, so she had wrapped it up in birthday paper for him.
"This is from Daddy," she said, as she handed it to him. "He bought it for you before he went to Heaven."
Paul said nothing.It's hard to know how much he understands about what has happened and why Hugh isn't around any more. In a way, it probably doesn't seem all that different as he was used to Hugh being away on exercise or on tour all through his life.  But as he played on the climbing frame afterwards with Claire, he was just a normal, happy little boy.

















 Today, I bought a box to keep all the things I have of Hugh's in.

11 comments:

Yorkshire Pudding said...

When you really loved someone the mourning lasts forever and will take on different guises. I found the story of the soldier doll so touching...

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

And so life goes on, lives on through his son. It must have been a bittersweet day.

Jennyta said...

Yes, it always is when we meet up with Paul, MOB. He is so like his dad in so many ways.
YP, unfortunately we have been on the receiving end of a complaint from his mother, who is not happy that we told Paul the soldier was from Hugh. I'm sure I don't need to say how I feel about that!

Daphne said...

I think we can all guess how you feel about Paul's mother's complaint. I can't think of ANY way in which what you did was wrong at all. I so wish people could have a bit more understanding.

Jennyta said...

I don't feel we overstepped the mark either, Daphne, but we have to tread carefully in case she refuses to let us see him. However, I certainly don't intend to stop talking about Hugh if the occasion warrants it.

Iatros said...

She can't stop you from seeing Paul. Grandparents have legal entitlement to access. And telling Paul about Hugh did not upset him. His mother kicking off because she knows she is responsible for his dad's death is what upset Paul.

Jennyta said...

Very true, but actually grandparents have to go to court to attain their rights of access and then, if the mother doesn't abide by it, there is nothing they can do except keep going back to court because, practically speaking, it is unenforceable.

Jill said...

Just stumbled upon this blog, I am sorry for your loss. You write beautifully, I hope blogging helps you feel a bit better :) Paul seems to be handling this fairly well, and he will be glad for the connection to Hugh that you all give him, I think :)

Jennyta said...

Thank you for your comments, Jill. Paul is handling it well at present but, with Hugh being in the army, he has always been used to him being away for long periods, so it remains to be seen how he copes as time goes on.

Jill said...

I think that as he gets older, your love and support will leave him a lot more at peace with things than him not knowing at all - so I hope you are always able to do so :)

Jennyta said...

Thanks, Jill. We will do our best.