Friday, 19 August 2011

Second anniversary

People say you need two years to 'get over' the death of someone close to you. Today is the second anniversary of Hugh's death, or maybe it's tomorrow. As he died in the night, we don't really know for sure but two years ago today, he was certainly suffering and events were building up to that dreadful night. 
This is the time when all the what ifs, maybes, coulds and shoulds come back to the fore, with no more satisfactory answers now as there were two years ago. 
Flowers have been sent by people who care and I know their intentions are good but I want to shout, "I don't want flowers, I want Hugh not to be dead!"
I want to feel comforted that at least he has escaped his problems but the reality is that I wish he had stayed to face them, so that he would still be here with us. 
And no, two years is not enough. It takes a lifetime and then some.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you today... and many days, when I visit your blog and see the photos of Hugh. I'm not sure anyone comprehend the depths a person can sink to where they see death as the only way out.
For you as his mother, with so many unanswered questions, you are right - it will be more than a lifetime. I wish it were otherwise.
Lucy

Jennyta said...

Thank you very much, Lucy.

Aileen said...

I've dipped in and out of your Blog, think I found you via 'Yorkshire Pudding'...although I've yet to comment on his Blog, I was born and live in Sheffield.

I lost my Son in a different manner, someone crossed the solid white lane coming in the opposite direction...taking his life,and he was killed outright, almost 13yrs on,each day and every Anniversary hurts.
Recently diagnosed with Mouth/Throat Cancer, I'm on my 4th week of Radiotherapy,and struggling, so being online takes my mind off things....a little

((hugs))

Aileen

Jennyta said...

Thanks for your comment, Aileen. So sorry to hear of your illness but I hope the radiotherapy will help.

Anonymous said...

Another year passes... and I'm thinking of you. I can't imagine it gets any easier with the passage of time.

Lucy

Jennyta said...

Thanks for your thoughts, Lucy. No, it really doesn't get easier at all.