Anniversaries

Monday will be Hugh's fourth anniversary.  One thousand, four hundred and sixty one days since that morning in 2009 when I came out of a counselling session with a client to have Keith break the news to me.  That's a lot of days and it is said that the passage of time is healing. In some ways, it is and in others, it really doesn't have much effect at all. Hugh is still gone, his passing has left a huge hole in our lives and I am still beating myself up with the 'coulds' and 'shoulds', which any good counsellor will tell you, are unhelpful to say the least.

I am his mother. Mothers are meant to protect and help their children. Why couldn't I do that? How did I not know the state of mind he was in? 

The funeral was on what would have been his 30th birthday. In between is my birthday. I wasn't very enamoured of birthdays anyway but now, I count it a blessing if I can get through the day without any mention of it. I know it's not very logical, but I don't welcome cards and certainly not presents and this seems to be difficult for some people to understand. One friend even fell out with me over it, but while I don't wish to hurt anyone's feelings, I am hanging on to the right to deal with these few weeks of the year as I wish.

No cards, no presents, no flowers ... please.

But do please take a few moments to remember Hugh and let him live on in our hearts.